"Joy, Church, and the Neglected Face of God" by Michel Hendricks | Day 11 |April 2, 2023

The first step for increasing joy is establishing effective gratitude practices. If joy is transmitted primarily through our faces and eyes, we need to practice letting our faces light up with each other. There is some danger to this practice, so we must handle it wisely. We require that, unless you are a married couple or family members, facial joy exercises should be done in groups of three, not two. The hormones released as we build joy can easily be confused for romantic feelings, and this can lead to emotional misunderstanding and inappropriate interactions. Training is not meant to be a matchmaking opportunity, and this confusion can destabilize the entire community.

Married couples will benefit greatly from building joy together. Just last night, my wife and I built our joy by looking into each other’s eyes and delighting in each other. We practice building facial joy together for five minutes several times a week. We do not engage in a staring contest; instead we build joy for ten seconds and then we both close our eyes for several seconds. We cycle between building joy and disconnecting briefly, then building joy again. This cycle of joy-quiet-joy-quiet is the same cycle that God designed to energize the formation of a baby’s brain, and it works for adults, too. Building joy involves a cycle of joy and then disconnecting to quiet ourselves.

In church training, we perform this same exercise in groups of three. In this case, you can practice with complete strangers and build joy together. It helps to be guided the first time by someone who has experience building joy in this joy-quiet cycle. Since this practice is new to most people, training needs to be accompanied by good teaching offering the biblical basis for building joy. 

In small groups, something as simple as greeting each person with a brief eye-to-eye connection and telling them how happy you are to see them raises the joy in your group. Small groups also would benefit by incorporating intentional practices of joy and gratitude. Start your group by having each person share a gratitude story from their week. We also increase joy by telling each other what we find special in them.

Raising the joy level in a family starts with the parents. As with most of the right-brain work we do, I cannot pass a skill to my child through words alone. I must practice the skill myself. To raise joy in a family, the first step is to raise the joy of the parents. The joy you build will quickly spill over into the entire family. 

Families benefit when the parents intentionally build joy with each other and their children. Parents can make changes to their family structure to balance screen-centered family time with face-centered times. Looking our children in the face and telling them how special they are sets them up for a life full of relational energy. During dinner time, Claudia and I sometimes go around the table and share something for which we are grateful. Even when our children are having problems with behavior or school, we can still be happy to be with them. God is also happy to be with us, even when our lives are a mess. A beautiful trait of joy is that it does not require good circumstances. Another step we take to build joy in our family is to make our dining table a phone-free zone. All eyes are up and looking at each other as we enjoy a meal.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

1. Tell someone how grateful you are for them and why this week. 

2. Call a family member who does not live with you, and tell them something you are grateful for recently. How did it feel? How did they react?

Psalm 28:7 ESV

⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield;
    in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
    and with my song I give thanks to him.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this 11-day devotional from Michel Hendricks. This devotional has been excerpted from the book by Michel and Jim Wilder The Other Half of Church. The book covers the four key ingredients of a healthy church community. You can pick up a copy of the book at https://www.moodypublishers.com/books/evangelism-and-discipleship/the-other-half-of-church/.